The Number
In the past week I've been reading a few blogs about number of partners. I think everybody agrees that this can be a very sensitive subject to bring up with your partner. Here's my little story. The SO was very, VERY inexperienced when I met her. She only dated a couple of guys in high school and she never did anything sexual with them. In fact, she was a virgin until well pass her 25th birthday. The way she lost it? she met a guy on the Internet, after holding on to her virginity for so long waiting to get married, she decided to just have the experience. She met the guy and did it twice, and that was it.
Years later I showed up and well, I had her in bed on the second date. I might be a lot of things (including not been the most best looking guy), but I know how to treat a woman. I took her on the nicest date of her life so the sex part was a given. I have to say that it wasn't the best, but there was potential there. The second or third time we had sex, she said that she loved me, yeah that kind of freaked me out. Apparently she never had an orgasm before, so I show her the good way!
Obviously I show her positions, techniques, toys, a whole world that was completely new to her. A lot of times she asked how did I knew all that, and of course we reached the "how many women have you slept with?" conversation. I knew that was trouble. I never answered that, even after she told me everything about her. I knew it was going to hurt her, I knew she didn't really wanted to know.
One day, while we were visiting my family we were drinking (yup we do that a lot back home) and she keep on asking and asking. She was also drinking (she is a light drinker), so i left my guard down and gave her a number. So here's the deal, I don't think there's a right or a wrong number as long as the sex you had made you happy and it was what you were looking for. If you only had one sex partner and that was enough for you, good for you! If you had 70 partners and you enjoyed all or at least most of them, enjoy it! I had sex with almost 30 women in my life. And proudly I can say that I could call all of them today and have a decent conversation. Yes, there were some one night stands, some fuck buddies and a lot of failed relationships. There were younger women and older women (18 years was the biggest difference). I'm sure this is a very low number for some people, and very high for others... well, I couldn't care less, I didn't had sex with these women to tell anybody or to make me feel more of a man (I have to agree when people talk about the bloggers that clearly lie about their sexual experience, but hey whatever makes you happy!).
I didn't tell the SO, the real number, I told her half of the real number. In a matter of seconds tears started to come down her face. The mix of the new information with the alcohol didn't help, so the tears didn't stop and my family was really worried about her. My sister got pissed at me and asked me what did I do to her... yeah, that is something you want to explain to your younger sister!
Why did she wanted to know? what was the point? I only had unprotected sex with the ex, and that was after getting tested together, any other time I always used protection, even when I was totally wasted. I want to keep on having sex for a long time, and the last thing I want is to get sick. I lost my virginity when I was almost 15, that gives me an average of almost 2 women per year of sexual activity. Of those 15 years, I was with the ex for 4 and with the SO for 5, so the large number of encounters happened between those 2 relationships. For what I've heard I'm not that close to be a man whore, but I might be wrong.
The number for me, means nothing! So feel free to share your number! (hey I can be curious!)
PS... can somebody send me some Nyquil? I've been drinking that every night and I don't feel any better! but I can sleep like a baby!
In the past week I've been reading a few blogs about number of partners. I think everybody agrees that this can be a very sensitive subject to bring up with your partner. Here's my little story. The SO was very, VERY inexperienced when I met her. She only dated a couple of guys in high school and she never did anything sexual with them. In fact, she was a virgin until well pass her 25th birthday. The way she lost it? she met a guy on the Internet, after holding on to her virginity for so long waiting to get married, she decided to just have the experience. She met the guy and did it twice, and that was it.
Years later I showed up and well, I had her in bed on the second date. I might be a lot of things (including not been the most best looking guy), but I know how to treat a woman. I took her on the nicest date of her life so the sex part was a given. I have to say that it wasn't the best, but there was potential there. The second or third time we had sex, she said that she loved me, yeah that kind of freaked me out. Apparently she never had an orgasm before, so I show her the good way!
Obviously I show her positions, techniques, toys, a whole world that was completely new to her. A lot of times she asked how did I knew all that, and of course we reached the "how many women have you slept with?" conversation. I knew that was trouble. I never answered that, even after she told me everything about her. I knew it was going to hurt her, I knew she didn't really wanted to know.
One day, while we were visiting my family we were drinking (yup we do that a lot back home) and she keep on asking and asking. She was also drinking (she is a light drinker), so i left my guard down and gave her a number. So here's the deal, I don't think there's a right or a wrong number as long as the sex you had made you happy and it was what you were looking for. If you only had one sex partner and that was enough for you, good for you! If you had 70 partners and you enjoyed all or at least most of them, enjoy it! I had sex with almost 30 women in my life. And proudly I can say that I could call all of them today and have a decent conversation. Yes, there were some one night stands, some fuck buddies and a lot of failed relationships. There were younger women and older women (18 years was the biggest difference). I'm sure this is a very low number for some people, and very high for others... well, I couldn't care less, I didn't had sex with these women to tell anybody or to make me feel more of a man (I have to agree when people talk about the bloggers that clearly lie about their sexual experience, but hey whatever makes you happy!).
I didn't tell the SO, the real number, I told her half of the real number. In a matter of seconds tears started to come down her face. The mix of the new information with the alcohol didn't help, so the tears didn't stop and my family was really worried about her. My sister got pissed at me and asked me what did I do to her... yeah, that is something you want to explain to your younger sister!
Why did she wanted to know? what was the point? I only had unprotected sex with the ex, and that was after getting tested together, any other time I always used protection, even when I was totally wasted. I want to keep on having sex for a long time, and the last thing I want is to get sick. I lost my virginity when I was almost 15, that gives me an average of almost 2 women per year of sexual activity. Of those 15 years, I was with the ex for 4 and with the SO for 5, so the large number of encounters happened between those 2 relationships. For what I've heard I'm not that close to be a man whore, but I might be wrong.
The number for me, means nothing! So feel free to share your number! (hey I can be curious!)
PS... can somebody send me some Nyquil? I've been drinking that every night and I don't feel any better! but I can sleep like a baby!
posted by El Cuervo at 7:58 AM
9 Comments:
I think the number is meaningless unless you've been with hundreds of people. (Yes, I know a man that has). Otherwise, it all happened before you and it shouldn't make a difference. I've slept with more people than any of my friends but I don't consider myself a whore by any means. I thought I had been with a certian number but on New Years, my friends and I sat down and made a list of all our partners. It turns out there were 3 more than I had thought. I've slept, now, with 18 people in 10 years. There's only about 2 that I would take back. I enjoy sex and I'm not ashamed of it.
I think if you're likely to not like the answer, don't ask. I've never asked it of any partners, I've never felt the need to. My number? Hmmm, it depends on what you count, in either case it's between 20 and 30, but of course I'm old, so that's nothing :)
I love this post. It's so authentic and accurate. I don't believe the number matters. Mine is all over my blog, and it is low. It's purposefully low. Everything is perspective.
I 100% agree that the number doesn't matter, as I'm sure you've read in my post on the same topic.
I enjoyed myself with all the men I've been with. I had nothing to prove. I just wanted to have sex.
I too could call all of them up and have a decent conversation. I still keep in touch with many of them, including my first. I just went to the wedding of another last year.
I have no regrets with any of the 30 guys.
Agree to disagree? We'll leave it at that.
No, the number doesn't matter in a current relationship. It was in the past.
I had a few myself and so did my husband. Funny thing was that we ran in the same circle for the most part, so we each knew the other's we had.
i would never put it on a public forum, I would e-mail it though.
30 is a very fine number. But so would be one, or one hundred.
There's a part of me that wants to know, but I think it's better not to ask. Mostly because I don't want to be asked. We have an unspoken agreement to believe that the other was a virgin until we met. Even though we both have kids. Ha.
Rachel Kramer Bussel wrote a great piece about number of partners. Honestly I can't even remember. As for nyquil? It keeps me up at night. My numbers don't :)
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